An ideal relationship is one of equity, where both partners happily give and take in a positive and healthy dynamic. But perhaps you have some doubts about your own relationship. Is it really one of reciprocity? Does your partner love you as much as you do?
Unfortunately, differences in levels of commitment are far from unusual in relationships. But you and your partner deserve to be with someone with whom you share a balanced dynamic, so you need to make sure they are not taken for granted or driven.
Ten Signs Your Relationship Is All Wrong For You
1. Your interactions are scarce
How often do you and your partner interact? If they are interested in you beyond a superficial level, they would like to spend as much time as they can with you. This does not mean that they will not be busy or have their own hobbies and commitments. But it does mean that they will make an effort to see you or at least talk to you very often.
- How often do you go on dates? Is it many weeks before they meet in person?
- Are text messages sent regularly? Or are there long gaps between messages and many days you spend without speaking?
- Are they called, especially when they can’t be seen for a while?
- How fast do they respond to your messages or interaction attempts?
- Do they often make last-minute plans or cancel long-term ones?
If your partner doesn’t seem to want to spend as much time interacting with you, they’ll probably just think of you as an adventure.
2. Avoid introducing yourself as a partner
When you’re with someone you care about, it’s hard not to want to show off. With pride you announce that this is your girlfriend, boyfriend or partner. Tags in cute images on social networks. You tell other stories about them.
But what if your partner only thinks of you as an adventure? They probably don’t want to make others think you are their partner because they don’t see this as long-term.
A long-term partner in it:
- Be very excited to show off to others
- Proudly bring you with them
- Present yourself as your partner in a positive way
- Tell others about yourself, even in passing
- Have no problem posting photos from social networks or states that involve you
On the other hand, a partner who does not care about staying with you:
- Introduce yourself as a friend or refuse to use compromised terms for yourself.
- He seems embarrassed by you, like they don’t want to be seen with you
- Never talk about you, never
- Refusing to be open about your relationship on social media
3. You have never met your friends or family
Someone’s friends and family are the people they spend time with. These are the lovely people that matter most to your partner. If you were an important part of your partner’s life, they would have decided to introduce you to the other people they love so that their worlds can collide in harmony.
But if your partner does not want you to meet someone he knows, there is a good chance that it is because they do not believe it is necessary. You won’t be around long enough for the stress and anxiety of these gatherings to pay off, and your partner may not see much point to start with.
4. You start everything
Whatever happens, it seems that you are always starting every interaction you have with your partner. They never take the first step, and it’s enough to make someone wonder if the relationship is real and committed. Unfortunately, the answer is probably “no”. This goes for:
- Gestures of affection
Your positive thinking can stimulate you to continue this pattern of repeated and unrequited initiation, but be careful. There’s a good chance that they just don’t find that effort worthwhile.
5. Your interactions revolve around physical intimacy
Well, what if your partner starts some things? Does that automatically mean they care about the relationship? Unfortunately, this is not the case, so don’t go ahead! These are the types of interactions they initiate.
Does your partner seem to only be calling you for intimate activities, like it’s a number to casually dial loot calling services? You may have noticed that no matter what you’re doing, things always slowly turn into private, smoky exchanges.
This is even more of a red flag if you try to get your partner to do other activities with you outside the room, but they repeatedly reject it. It definitely sounds like they are only interested in intimate activities and not being with you in the long run. Sure, intimacy is important in all sex, but it shouldn’t be all you do.
6. They do nothing for you
Relationships are about giving and receiving, and a healthy one involves a lot of it. More importantly, a positive and committed relationship makes both partners make gestures of “sacrifice” to improve the life or happiness of their partner.
They don’t have to be big gestures, and you certainly shouldn’t expect a partner to give up everything in their life for you. But there are some common signs of commitment through small sacrifices, including:
- Doing things for you that you don’t necessarily enjoy
- Change your schedule from time to time to be with you
- Helping you narrow down little things on your to-do list
- Be there for you when you feel bad
- Offering you help with small tasks
- Buying you simple but meaningful gifts
- Actively trying to make you happy
If your partner refuses to do absolutely anything for you, there is a good chance that they will not care about you or your relationship.
7. It only seems to be in the same place and / or time
Couples generally like the process of changing things from time to time, and doing the exact same thing can get quite monotonous and boring. But for some reason, everything about their relationship is monotonous. You are in the same places every time you meet, or at exactly the same time, or only at night, or even all three.
Why is this a bad sign? Well, it could indicate that your partner does not want to bring you into his life, he just wants you to be a habitual stop in his daily routine. Sounds good until you realize this means that you are not a partner in this situation: you are a convenient number on a list. This may also indicate that:
- Your partner is hiding something
- Your partner does not want to alter her schedule to see you
- Or, your partner meets with you for convenience.
Of course, jumping to these conclusions quickly is a bad idea, but you should be prepared for the unexpected when you tell your partner this.
8. They don’t know much about you (and they don’t ask)
Does your partner sometimes feel strange? Do they buy your least favorite chocolate as a gift, even after you’ve told them you don’t like it countless times? They have no idea what you do? Have you mixed up your hobbies multiple times?
A partner who doesn’t know much about you is probably not interested in knowing more about you and keeping it in memory. It is even worse if they never ask: it really shows that they have little or no real interest in you.
This also goes the other way. An engaged partner often shares more about herself with her partner, according to studies examining the positive and negative links between disclosure and preparation for engagement.
9. They are talking to other people
The most obvious sign that a partner is not 100% committed to you is if they are still buying. It seems clear, but many people keep their positive thinking and allow themselves to be one of many because their silver-tongued partner insists that they are the true ones. But how many other people are you saying that to?
Here’s the truth: Studies have shown that attention to alternative romantic options is widespread in those who are unhappy or lack positive feelings in their relationships. Your partner can:
- Actively check other people constantly (not just occasionally)
- Refusing to remove dating apps from your phone (or lying to them that they have)
- Flirt openly with other people (sometimes even when you’re there!)
- Send text messages, call or chat with people while you refuse to tell them who they are
10. They don’t talk about the future
Someone who cares about your relationship and is committed to you will happily discuss the future with you. This doesn’t have to be about marriage or having children, either (and in most newer relationships, it won’t!). Instead, you may notice things like:
- Your partner talks about her future while including you in it
- Your partner seems to naturally include it in all your future plans
- Or, your partner expresses a desire to be with you for a long time
- Your partner plans ahead for vacations, dates, or other events
- Your partner is happy to have an open and honest conversation about the direction of your relationship.
On the other hand, a partner who completely refuses to talk about the future is probably not committed to you and doesn’t care about the relationship as much as you do.
Final thoughts on identifying a weak relationship
If your partner shows any or many of these ten signs, does that mean they are doomed? Well, the prospects are not good, but it is a good idea to keep positive thinking first. Sit down with your partner and have a serious discussion about the state of your relationship and where you can go.
Remember your value in a relationship and don’t allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve. If things don’t work out for your partner, it’s time to move on. Sure, it’s easier said than done, but a positive, healthy relationship is waiting for you there, and you can’t find it if you stay in an unhealthy relationship.