Love and affection go hand in hand. You can be loving and affectionate with your dog, your children and your partner, but each type of love is different. Some might even argue that you can show affection without love, but you cannot love without genuine attachment. When you are in a committed relationship, gentle, nurturing actions are as necessary as sexual connections, and perhaps even more so. One of the biggest complaints in marriages and alliances is a genuine lack of affection.
How people show their love and affection depends on many variables. In general, women tend to be more sensitive than men. Perhaps, it is because women in our country are socialized from birth to be the ones who raise them, and they generally feel comfortable showing their emotions. However, men are taught to be tough and tough and to keep their feelings hidden. A person’s culture also plays a role in how they show love and affection towards others.
In studies around the world, people from Mediterranean or Latin American countries tend to openly show their warmth with hugs and generous kisses on the hands and cheeks. However, many cultures in northern Europe and Asia tend to be more reserved and frown at public displays of affection, and holding hands is as far as possible. People who have been in abusive relationships in the past often have trust issues. The same is found in individuals who were physically and sexually abused as children. All these variables influence future relationships where lack of affection is a common problem.
Affectionate Love is a basic need
Psychologists have already identified affect as a basic human need, just as much as they need food, clothing, shelter, and acceptance. The problem is that many couples have a different opinion on how to show and receive affection. For some people, hugging, hugging and holding hands comes naturally, and others should be taught how to show that they care appropriately.
Are you in a relationship that could use a little more warmth? You may know that your partner loves you, but you need him to show you more often. Here are seven ways to deal with a partner who is less loving than you would like.
1. Evaluate your attitudes about love and affection
If your notion of love and affection is based on the latest romance novel or your favorite soap opera, you will be sadly disappointed in any real-world relationship. Keep in mind that these are fictional characters that have few similarities to real life.
You will surely start a fight if you compare your lover with those you see on television or in your books. After both of you have had a long day at work, you probably won’t rush into the living room, ready to recreate a soap opera scene. You want a unique love and affection from your love, not a false Hollywood idealism.
2. Set the stage
If the displays of affection are forced, then neither partner benefits. If your lover is not used to being loving, the first attempts can be a little awkward. To feel more comfortable with showing your love naturally, try to create as many opportunities as possible.
For example, keep a warm, cozy blanket folded on your love seat in the living room. As soon as you sit down to watch a good movie, it will be natural for your partner to snuggle up to you in the blanket. Don’t be afraid to be the first to reach out your hand as you stroll through the mall or sit on a park bench.
Do you like me bringing you unique little gifts just to say that she loves you? Leave subtle hints about your favorite perfume or other things you love. How can she surprise you with dinner and dancing if she doesn’t know your favorite restaurant?
3. Tell your partner what you want
One of the most common mistakes in a relationship is assuming that your partner can read your mind. While love unites a couple, efficient communication keeps them together. How often have you been frustrated with your lover’s lackluster affection and just teased him instead of saying something about it?
Since you have trusted your partner’s heart, he is your safe place. You can talk to him about anything and know that he will listen and understand. If you want more caresses and soft touches from him, tell him what you want. Many people are raised in an unloving home and must be told with love how to show their love.
Be attentive but honest in your conversation and not accusatory. If you put your lover on the defense, it will probably shut down and won’t listen to you. Choose a time when you are relaxed and in a reflective mood, and don’t broach the subject when you are stressed and tired. During a discussion, it is never a good time to discuss issues of affection.
Even if you want to talk frankly with your partner, try to stay neutral and don’t provoke emotion. Their goal is to express their needs so that they can work together on a solution. You are asking for more affection, not pleading, which would make you seem needy and controlling.
Let your partner know that while you have never doubted your love and devotion, you just need more of the relationship. Tell him yes, that you love your sexual relationship as much as he does, but that affection goes beyond the bedroom.
Then listen to what it has to say. Chances are, he never knew how you felt and you wanted things to be different. Instead of asking how you are going to fix it, ask him what you can do to take your relationship to a new level of love.
4. Be encouraging every step of the way
Did she bring you a lovely bouquet and it wasn’t even your birthday or anniversary? Tell him how much you love and appreciate his loving gesture, and he can do more. Some men may be tigers in the bedroom, but they are like shy and awkward boys when it comes to showing affection.
Smile warmly when he takes you by the hand as you walk together in public. Let him know that you love him when he gives you a surprise kiss or a loving hug. Be the example and give your love back, so you know you are doing well.
As a loving mentor, do things for your love that you would like it to do for you, like the golden rule of affection. Whisper romantic words, take his hand to hold her and do extraordinary things for him out of nowhere. You can catch the hint and start cultivating your affections.
5. Engage a third party for help
There is no shame in asking for help to improve a relationship. Reflect your love and desire to strengthen the ties that hold you together. For some couples, dealing with a couple’s lack of affection may require professional advice.
There may be some past trauma or other problems that need to be resolved. You may think that your lover’s diminished affection was somehow your fault. Consider couples counseling with a professional counselor who trusts your feelings and situation.
If your partner is hesitant to see a professional counselor, you might consider talking to a trusted family minister or friend. Come in with the attitude that this is our problem, not just your problem. Your compassion may be what makes you open up about your feelings.
6. Learn to be playful together
When was the last time you had fun together? For a satisfying relationship there is much more than intimacy. Playful affection ignites the fire of romance and keeps the relationship fresh and alive. Are you or your partner tickled? What could be more enjoyable than tickling and giggling?
Learn to be spontaneous and laugh with each other. Play a game of tag on the patio that ends with a kiss, or soak in a warm bubble bath. A little bite on the ear or a flirtatious pat on the back are some of the many ways to be creative with your affection.
7. Be patient and understanding
People cannot simply look back and change their education. Just as it took time for them to get to know each other and fall in love, learning to be more loving will not happen overnight. The process may test your patience, but it will be worth the wait.
If your lover took your hand and hugged you yesterday and seems a little distant today, don’t be discouraged. Instead of getting frustrated, consider telling her that you loved the time you spent together previously. Her gentle reminders and encouragement can make a difference.
Final thoughts on developing an emotional bond for life
In any relationship, both partners need and deserve affection. If you and your lover are not on the same page, they can work together to get a resolution. A more loving relationship can bring you closer to a lifetime of love and commitment.