Emotional intelligence fuels your performance both in the workplace and in your personal life, but it starts with you. From your confidence, empathy, and optimism to your social skills and self-control, understanding and managing your own emotions can accelerate success in all areas of your life.
No matter what career field you are in, whether you manage a team of two or 20 people, or even yourself, realizing how effective it is in managing your own emotional energy is a great starting point. Absent from the curriculum, emotional intelligence is not something that we are taught or evaluated, so where did it come from, what is it, what does it have and is it really that important?
Fortunately, it’s something you can learn, and we’ve compiled a comprehensive list of tips to help you explore your own level of emotional intelligence and gain important emotional intelligence skills that can be implemented in everyday life. Some of these tips that we follow ourselves and others have been revealed to us by our amazing customers and partners who know how to motivate and inspire their teams, but above all, themselves.
How emotional intelligence (EQ) impacts relationships
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the secret to long-lasting intimate relationships, in large part because it makes us extremely aware of the changes, large and small, that constantly occur in ourselves and in others. By building your EQ, you will have the sensitivity that each of us always looks for in an important person. You will automatically sense, through active awareness and empathy, the small changes in the dynamics of your romance that indicate the need to act.
We have the potential to achieve the kind of love we all dream of: deep intimacy, mutual kindness, real commitment, caring for the soul, simply because of empathy, our innate ability to share emotional experiences. But to reach the height of romance we need all the skills of a high EQ: a keen emotional awareness to avoid mistaking infatuation or lust for lasting love; Acceptance of experiencing emotions that could harm a relationship if allowed to ooze; and an active and vigilant conscience to evaluate what is working and what is not.
Building emotionally intelligent romantic relationships
We don’t have to choose the wrong lovers, end up in multiple failed marriages, or let romance seep into our long-term relationships. We don’t have to let conflicting needs and wants come between two people who love each other. We do not have to resign ourselves to boredom or disputes in our love life.
We have the potential to achieve the kind of love we all dream of: deep intimacy and mutual kindness, real and caring commitment, simply because of empathy and our innate ability to share emotional experiences. But to achieve those relationship goals, we need all the skills of a high EQ:
- cunning emotional awareness to avoid mistaking infatuation or lust for lasting love
- acceptance of experiencing emotions that could harm a relationship if allowed to ooze, and
- active surveillance and alert to inform us of what works and what doesn’t.
Fortunately, your EQ doesn’t need to have peaked before you embark on love. In fact, for many people, falling in love serves as a motivation to re-educate the heart. That’s why some of the most passionate lovers are over 80 years old: They discover that two tall EQs add to a romance that never stops growing, never loses emotion, and always strengthens them both, individually and collectively.
Actively seek a change in your relationship
When you overcome your fear of change, you discover that different does not necessarily mean worse. Things often go better than ever on the opposite side of change. Relationships are organisms themselves, and by nature they must change. Any relationship that is not driven toward the type of growth you want will lead to a change of another kind, perhaps one that you do not want. Your ability to accept change is worth courage and optimism. Ask yourself, does your lover need something new from you? Do you need to schedule a time to reevaluate together? Do external influences demand a change in their respective roles? Are you as happy as you used to be? Without EQ, such questions are often too frightening to face, so many lovers ignore the signs of change until it’s too late.
See the challenges you encounter as opportunities rather than problems
Her courage and optimism allow her to view dilemmas not as problems, but as challenging opportunities. How creative can you two be? When they don’t need to blame each other for their emotions, they are not controlled by negative emotional memories and they are alert not to repeat the same old mistake. When you have a high EQ, you are freed from routines and resignation, and you can start solving problems ingeniously. You may find differences between you and unavoidable crises, such as invitations to meet, challenges to approach and emerge stronger individually and collectively.
Respect all the feelings they have for each other
We are not always delighted with the discoveries we make about the person we love, but when it comes to emotions, it is necessary to accept them all. Being in love never means feeling angry, disappointed, hurt, or jealous. How you act on your emotions is up to you; the important thing is that you really feel them. Many relationships have been ruined by guilt, and millions of couples have lost deep intimacy due to shame. Both are cruel remnants of heartless anger, fear, and anxiety. If you’ve done the work of building EQ, you’ll experience the emotions and get on with your life together.
Keep laughing in your love life
To avoid intellectualizing the emotions you need, you need acceptance, and a large part of your acceptance comes from laughter. Lovers who can’t laugh at themselves together probably aren’t very accepting of their relationships. They may not be able to tolerate their unique flaws and inevitable stumbles, more than theirs can bear. They are also less likely to be open to the most pleasant surprises in a relationship. Its high EQ, on the other hand, means that you can continue to improve your relationship, but you will never be trapped by intolerant expectations of perfection.
Pay attention to how you feel when your lover is not around
Fortunately, you have a perfect way to monitor exactly how your relationship is going – use the three wellness indicators to find out how the rest of your life is going. Do you feel restless or irritable in general? Do you drag your day in the office or school after a night of married happiness? Does family and friends bother you even though you two spend every available minute alone? Love never benefits from tunnel vision. If you don’t feel energetic, lucid, and benevolent all the time, it really doesn’t matter if you like pigeons when they’re together. If sex can’t be better but you’re slipping at work, if you feel safe and comfortable listening to “Hello, honey” when you come home at night but have trouble getting up in the morning, something is not right, although everything feels warm and fuzzy in the castle.
When this happens, all the information about you, your lover, and your relationship that have gathered your emotions and your intellect will guide you towards the best solution.
10 ways to love intelligently
If you are new to love or new to EQ, your course will be safer if you remember to follow these tips:
- Let the three indicators of well-being inform you about the romantic choices you make. If you feel energetic, mentally clear, and more loving overall, you are in a relationship with a future.
- Let your lover know how you feel. If you are going to communicate something, express what you feel, since it defines who you are. If you pretend to be someone or something that you are not, you will never feel loved.
- Listen from the emotional experience. Tune in to your lover’s feelings as you listen to his words.
- Show the support and love that your lover needs. A person may find a helpful or comforting suggestion or helping hand; another person may encounter the same intrusive action. Not everyone likes to be touched in the same way, enjoys being affectionate in public, or responds in the same way to receiving gifts. Let empathy guide you.
- When in doubt, ask. Love does not guarantee that you will know everything. If you don’t ask how your lover feels about something, you will never know.
- Prepare to work on the relationship. Why do so many people believe that their work is done once they find true love? Relationships grow and thrive with care, or wither and die of neglect.
- Learn from your lover. Active awareness prevents you from trusting past assumptions.
- Watch out for emotional memories. The emotional remnants of past injuries are more dangerous with the ones we love today.
- Remember that the only problem with making mistakes is not admitting it. The complexities of relationships guarantee error, but even errors are opportunities for growth if they are fulfilled without guilt.
- Use change as an opportunity to grow your relationship. Any change is stressful, but it is also an opportunity to renew and revitalize your relationship.
Find “the one”
When you first fall in love, how can you know if this person is “the one”? How do you know if you are in love with a real person or just in love with love? If you’ve burned yourself before, how can you avoid repeating your mistakes?
Listen to your body, not your mind
We choose a partner for reasons that have more to do with what we think than how we feel. We conduct our relationships based on how things should be or have been. This is exactly where we went wrong. We do not lose in love because we let our emotions escape with us, but because we let our heads escape with us.
People think they are in love for many reasons: lust, infatuation, desire for security, status, or social acceptance. They think they have found true love because the current perspective meets a certain image or expectation. But unless they know how they feel, their choice is bound to be wrong.
Every time you daydream about a potential lover, take the form of mental debates that justify your choice or agonize over it, breathe, relax, and focus to get out of your head and control your body. If the feeling that something is wrong persists or grows, your choice is likely wrong. If you let mental imagery versus physical sensation guide you, you will never know what you really want.
Pay attention to the messages of your whole body
It is difficult for most people to get clear signals from the whole body during new love, because it is often choked by sexual desire, so it is important to notice other, more subtle feelings. Muscle tension, migraines, stomach aches, or lack of energy can mean that what you want is not what you need. On the other hand, if the brilliance of love is accompanied by an increase in energy and liveliness, this could be real.
If it is more than a crush or lust, you will feel a benefit in other parts of your life and in other relationships. Ask yourself these high EQ questions:
- Is this relationship energizing the whole of my life? For example, has my work improved? Am I taking better care of myself?
- Is my head straighter? Am I more focused, more creative and responsible?
- Do my feelings of “love” go beyond feeling positive care for my loved one? Do I feel more generous, more generous, and more empathetic to friends, coworkers, or strangers?
If the responses you get from your body are not what you wanted to hear, try to overcome the natural fear of loss that we all experience. Discovering now that you haven’t found true love can save you the pain of a lot of negative emotional memories, a legacy that can make you repeat the same mistakes or make you bitter.
Take the opportunity to come
We are often on guard duty with someone new, and automatically create barriers to getting to know each other. Leaving him open and vulnerable at this stage can be scary, however it is the only way to find out if true love between you is possible and if each falls in love with a real person or a facade. Try to be the first to communicate: reveal an intimate secret, laugh at yourself, or show affection when it seems most terrifying. Does his reaction fill you with warmth and vitality? If so, you may have found an empathetic and kindred soul. Otherwise, you may have found someone with a low EQ and will have to decide how to respond to them.
Responding to a low EQ romantic partner
Not all of us build emotional muscle at the same rate. If you’re ahead of the person you love, here are some high-EQ ways to respond to low-EQ behavior and poor listeners.
- Take the time to consider the feelings and words that you want your partner to hear. If you’re not clear on what you need and why you need it, your message can be confusing.
- Select a time when you and your partner are not in a rush or upset. Walk together or make a date for brunch or dinner, but watch the alcohol if you want them to remember the discussion.
- Send “sorry” messages about your needs if you want your partner to hear that something is wrong with them. For example, “I feel like making love more often, but I have this thing about the smell of onion and garlic, would you be willing to brush your teeth before bed?
- If your partner reacts defensively to the sentiment you have expressed, repeat your concerns: “You fear that if I take this job, you and the children will be neglected.”
- Repeat your “Sorry” message, then listen again and continue the process until you are satisfied that you have been heard.