Wouldn’t it be great if, at the exact moment you decide you’re ready for a relationship, your perfect match miraculously appears at your doorstep with a smile, pizza, and DVD? Unfortunately, there is quite a bit of work involved in finding a good match, including asking specific questions and being prepared to wait for the right person.
This can help if:
- You feel ready for a relationship
- You have had relationships with people who were not suitable for you
- You do not know what type of person is suitable for you
- You do not know how to find that special person
What are you looking for?
It is not always easy to decide if you want to start a relationship with another person. Whether you are looking for someone or you already have a particular person in mind, it is a good idea to be clear on what you want. This includes understanding what aspects of a relationship are important to you and what personal qualities you value in yourself and in others.
Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a person and a relationship, and underline the things you will not commit to.
Try to avoid just listing shallow things like “long hair”, “a cute smile” or “blue eyes”. These things can distract you from what’s important, like you’re compatible. Of course, physical attraction is important, too, but it’s amazing how irresistible the right person will be as you get to know her!
You can decide that you are looking for a person who is:
- physically active
Once you’ve made your personal list, keep that in mind when meeting new people or meeting someone better.
Do you already have someone in mind?
If you are attracted to someone and are thinking about having a relationship with them, take time to get to know them first. The more you find out about them and share with them about yourself, the better idea you have about whether they are suitable for each other.
To help you decide, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Do they have the qualities I value?
- Do we communicate easily?
- Do I feel relaxed and like to be with this person?
- Do we respect the beliefs and cultures of others?
If you’re still not sure if someone would be a good match for you, you can always talk to your friends and family to see what they think about it.
Does the other person want a relationship?
It takes two to have a relationship, so if you have someone in mind, do you know how they feel about you?
Ideally both of you will feel the same and start a beautiful romance together. But often things don’t work that well. It’s hard when you realize that the person you really like doesn’t feel the same way about you. You may feel rejected, embarrassed, or sad. But there is someone else out there for you; the important thing is to be with the right person, the person who is also interested in you.
Where will you find someone suitable for you?
Try going to places where people with similar interests to you hang out. Clubs and societies create small large communities of like-minded people, and there’s nothing like a shared interest for you to talk to someone new. Put yourself in new social situations, like going to a concert, to a party organized by a friend of a friend or, if you are over 18, to a new bar.
You never know where you could meet someone. They could be anywhere, even on the bus or in a store. If you know someone you think you might get along with, try saying “hello”! It’s amazing how a big smile and a friendly gesture can be all it takes to start a conversation.
How about Tinder?
Tinder has conquered the unique world: sliding photos of users who are geographically close to you and deciding whether or not you would be interested in having a conversation. Swipe left if you’re not interested and they’ll disappear; Swipe right if you like their looks and let the lovely talk flow (but only if they slipped for you too).
If you decide that Tinder, or another online dating app, is in your alley, be sure to be careful with your personal safety. Meet people in public places and don’t give anyone too much personal information from the start. Also remember that with Tinder, when judging people based on their physical appearance, there will be plenty of potentially fabulous matches left to swipe left and discard!
It is not a forever decision
You can decide that you are ready and want to be in a relationship now, but that doesn’t mean you want to stay in it later. You should never feel locked into a relationship. So if you start a relationship, keep evaluating how you feel about it over time.
When making your decision, consider the feelings of the person you are with or want to be with. It is important that they know what you are thinking. Try not to play with someone’s emotions coming and going on whether or not you want to be with them. Remember that their feelings are as important as yours.